I learned today that my grandmother has passed away. It is particularly sad because she was a vulnerable person in her advanced years and certain family members saw this as an opportunity to steal from her. They isolated my grandmother from the rest of her family - so much so that they denied us contact with her for the past two years. Our Birthday and Christmas cards were returned with nasty messages scrawled on the envelopes and they would hang up the phone when one of us attempted to call her. My grandmother even told me once, right before she was finally sent away, that they went through her purse and threw away the brag book containing photos of Rachel that I had put together for her. I immediately replaced it despite knowing that it would just be thrown away again at some future date. Things got so out of hand that we took these other family members to court to try and save her from the abuse. Unfortunately the judge felt it was a family issue and as soon as she received a letter (after over a year of litigation and complete non-compliance on their part) stating that all money held by those two daughters was the result of voluntary gifts, she summarily dismissed our case. We couldn't afford to continue with an appeal at that point.
They successfully hid the fact that she had died from us for over a month.
I last saw my grandmother at Rachel's birthday party in 2006. We talked at length about what was going on. She seemed bewildered about what I was attempting to explain to her. At the time, unbeknownst to my grandmother, her home had just sold without while she was staying with one of the infamous family members who had conveniently become her power of attorney. She had no idea that all of her possessions were thrown in a dumpster, that her pets were cruelly put to death, and that her life as she knew it would never be the same.
The funny part is that, unbeknownst to me, my grandmother was being put on a plane two days later with a one-way ticket under the auspices of visiting one of her children (another Aunt) in Missouri. She had no idea that she wouldn't return. When I heard that news I realized that I would never see her again.
So it was then that I began my monthly Google searches for her name knowing that this day would come. It was all I had left as every other form of communication had been denied to me. I was sad to see that there wasn't even an obituary for her, only a death notice in the local paper. I was able to track down the funeral home's number and the lady on the other end of the phone was quite kind, but unfortunately she didn't have all that much information for me. She knew that Na Na (what I called her) died on June 3rd, which in an unfortunate coincidence is my Mother's birthday, and that she was cremated and her ashes were supposedly being taken back to New Jersey. Hopefully they will at least respect her wish to be placed next to my grandfather in death.
Telling my Mom and my Aunt the news was an awful experience. They both broke down on the phone and expressed their guilt. They lamented that had they been able to keep custody of her or if they had won in their civil suit she would still be alive. I didn't know what to say.
I grew up at my grandparent's house, quite literally. Many of my fondest childhood memories took place there, whether it was kicking the soccer ball with Pop Pop or watching the Incredible Hulk on their black and white television. I'll never forget my surprise when they bought a color TV! I learned how to ride a bike in their driveway. I remember shoveling snow off their front doorsteps during the blizzard of '78 despite being only 6 years old. I lived with them until just after my seventh birthday and again with Na Na (Pop Pop died in 1984) from the age of 12 until I was 17. My grandparents were unbelievably poor but they were always so good to me and they were the primary reason why I changed my name back from my stepfather's name, Brown, to my birth name, Creed. I was proud to be a part of their family. We are Creeds, for better or for worse, and I wanted my girls to know that fact.
Perhaps my fondest memory of Na Na is the one I once found the most horrifying. When I graduated 8th grade Na Na, all 4 feet 9 of her, rushed the recessional line as I was leaving the stage and clung to my thigh due to the pride she felt. Naturally being all of 14, I thought this was the most embarrassing moment in the history of embarrassing moments. Now I can look back and see the pride that she felt. To her graduating 8th grade was such an accomplishment as she did not make it past 2nd or 3rd grade from what I understand. I wish she could have been at my law school graduation.
I feel awful that she never even was allowed to see the photos of Erin that we sent, let alone see her in person.
I am going to write her obituary and place it in hometown paper. It is the least I can do.
